"[31/01-23:08:50] <ÌC-Rat> With Calendar unable to give Rez the lovin' he deserves, Carthrat and Carthcat step up to fill the void in #soulriders...
[31/01-23:08:52] <ÌC-Rat> ...naaaaah."

|Meduza|

For once,
Just ONCE,

I'd like to understand what I'm talking about. @_@

|Meduza|

@_@

If you ever get a picture of me, please note that every connection between it and the RL is totally coincidental.

I swear, *I* don't think I look that bad in reality.... @_@

|Meduza|

999 visits.
^^

Almost hit my 1000th. ^_^ ^_^ ^_^

|Meduza|

I think I should take a picture of the view that is outside of my window. o-o

|Meduza|

Well, I'm finally writing that story I was thinking about for a long time.

Right now I adopted a new onee-chan- IY-chan. And Kaneda is my nii-chan to be.

So is Dune. Sort of:

[19:59] <ÌAnastasia> You know, you were the one saying I'd be your stepfather, Koneko.
[19:59] <ÌDiving-Cat> o-o
[19:59] <ÌDiving-Cat> Really?
[19:59] <ÌAnastasia> Yep.
[19:59] <ÌDiving-Cat> When?
[19:59] <ÌCalendar> XD
[19:59] <ÌAnastasia> A week or two ago, perhaps?
[19:59] * Diving-Cat doesn't remember it.
[19:59] <ÌDiving-Cat> So... can't you be both? =_= {brother and stepfather}
[20:00] <ÌAnastasia> Well, that leads to some rather mighty and painful logical problems.

I have now... 17.5.5.5.5 siblings. And a dad. @_@ And probably a stepmother {Ayame} and stepfather. Help. =___=

Oh, and it's a bloggage week. So I blog. And as Ma-nii-chan said it-
[22:21] <@Rez> o/' spam spam spam spam o/'
[22:21] <@Rez> o/' spam spam spam spam o/'
[22:21] <@Rez> o/' spam spam spam spam o/'
[22:21] <@Rez> o/' spam spam spam spam o/'
[22:21] <@Rez> o/' Lo-ve-ly spam, wonderful spam! o/'

^_^

Nighty. ^^

|Meduza|

I like blood.

I can't say I'll cut myself with something just to see me bleed, nope. I could never do that. But, when something cuts me, I like to watch it. I take a tissue or something to absorb it. And then I can stare at it for hours.

And then I don't let the wound close. I just make it bleed even more.

My blood fascinates me. Interesting.

|Meduza|

"You're cute!"

"Cute!"

"Hey, she's cute!"

@_____________@

Is that the only word people know? #_#

/me gives Ma-nii-chan a point for not saying--- *goes to check* Yes. He didn't say "cute". @_______@

*edit: Take from Ma-nii-chan two points. He just called me cute.*

*edit 2: It's LEMONADE.*

|Meduza|

Well, Kwok today had the dubious honor of activating my first trigger of a flashback this month. And I'm sure I'll have a lot more after this one.

Well now. Time to cry. ><

|Meduza|

..I think I'm still shaking.

About twenty minutes ago I heard some men talking into speakers. I closed my Winamp to listen- this thing is usually the police. What I heard was about "Everyone stay back, we are going to blow up a suspected object which might hold explosive in it."

I swear, it took me about five seconds to understand what was happening. Then, I heard something like a gun shot, but it was louder. About five minutes of quiet, and then another one, and this one was quieter than the last.

I don't think there were explosives. But.. the suspicion. First time I actually witnessed it. I live in a nice small city. Nothing happened here. Well, now something DID happen here. ><

My breathing is still fast. You could say shallow. And you could also say my heart's beats are quicker than the usual.

Curse you, Israel. >_<

|Meduza|

If I wouldn't ask, then why would people bother to tell me things? \=

|Meduza|

Bah... Random warning- I'll be more and more depressed as my birthday approaches. It's exactly a month away, and... well, I'll be depressed for some time before it.

/me doesn't want to remember what happened eight days before she was 13...

Blarg. >_< One of the most painful memories I have. And of course, I forgot a lot from that time. =\ It's probably the thing that completely broke me for a long time. :\\\

|Meduza|

There's just one street in Nes-Ziona that I know, that I don't like.

It's not that it's ugly. Or not spacious enough. Or just not friendly.

It just represents for me a family. And that family... hurt me.

And everytime my dad drives through there when he comes back home from that direction.

It can be really depressing, y'know.

|Meduza|

Shitshitshitshitshit.

Q: Why am I going to buy some clothes? o_O O_o

A: Because they asked for OFFICIAL clothes, so I'll give them OFFICIAL clothes.

*nods*

|Meduza|

Nee-chan, I love you too.

*enter spam here*

|Meduza|

Ma-nii-chan spams his own blog, and I spam mine.

So?
XD

"Dancing bears, painted wings,
Things I almost remember.
And a song, someone sings,
Once upon a Decmeber.

Someone holds safe and warm,
Horses prance through a silver storm,
Figures dancing gracefully,
Across my memory.

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart used to know,
Once upon a December.

Someone holds me safe and warm,
Horses prance through a silver storm,
Figures dancing gracefully,
Across my memory.

Far away, long ago,
Glowing dim as an ember,
Things my heart, used to know,
Things it yearns to remember.

And a song,
Someone sings,
Once upon a December."

|Meduza|

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Heh.
Hm. Ma-nii-chan sent me a short log of him and Nee-chan. *nods*

[22.01.2003 - 02:15:51] Rezantis: [07:20] Rezantis: [07:18] Rezantis: Get my hopes up. ~_~
[07:18] NaatzChan: Anytime, Nii-chan. :-p
[07:18] Rezantis: . . .
[07:18] Rezantis: 'Nii-chan'?
[07:19] NaatzChan: ^_^
[07:19] Rezantis: . . .
[07:19] Rezantis: 'Nii-chan'?
[07:19] NaatzChan: ^_^
[07:19] Rezantis: . . .
[07:19] Rezantis: 'Nii-chan'?
[07:19] NaatzChan: ^_^
[07:20] Rezantis: . . .
[07:20] Rezantis: 'Nii-chan'?
[07:20] NaatzChan: ^_^
[07:20] makuraonna: You're Netta's nii-chan now!
[07:21] Rezantis: Oh dear.
[22.01.2003 - 02:16:19] * konekush laughs!
[22.01.2003 - 02:17:02] * konekush puts it in her blog!

|Meduza|

Well, most of the people I talked to agreed with me. ^^ So there! :P

I also achived something yesterday, and I'm really proud of that. And of B-nii-chan. =P

><

|Meduza|

The story will have to wait. But here is something I thought about for a while. I want some people to know what I think about them, at least in the most basic level. If you feel I did you an outing, tell me and I'll change it.

Ma-nii-chan {Rezantis}: I once told B-nii-chan when I described him that he was afraid. I think he was, and he hid himself. Sort of. Now he's not. Not like then. He knows how to listen, and how to share when he needs to. When B-nii-chan or Rattie-chan aren't around, I talk to him. Nee-chan helped with this, I'm sure. He told me that, and I talked to him some times after they became a nice sweet lil couple.

Nee-chan {Calendar}: Has some serious problems in life, but she tries to deal with them. I started to seriously talk to her just as Ma-nii-chan said "I like you too" or something like that. A sort of naïve girl. She trusts people. She doesn't stop her life when she fears of getting hurt. She might slow it down, but she doesn't stop it. Ma-nii-chan really helped her. Also in that.

B-nii-chan {Bean Bandit}: He's sure he's bad and mean, when he's actually quite gentle. ^^; It doesn't matter what you think... it matters what you do. And he taught me that some time ago. I know about him almost nothing, but I keep gluing the pieces I have. I'm telling him a lot about my life. He usually knows what to do, and gives good advices. I guess that the week, two weeks' time of not really talking helped me.

Rattie-chan {Carthrat}: A really hard one. Hmm... He enjoys a good fight/argument. Addicted to coke. Quite violent. Sharp brain. Likes to vent. But, on the other hand, he's a good guy that likes to hide. I won't say he's gentle, because he's not. But he's sweet. He doesn't believe in things that he can't see or touch, things that aren't proved. I think he misses a lot there. When I talk to him I usually grin. He's amusing. And he and B-nii-chan are a lot alike.

Onii-chan {CyMage}: Although I'm ignoring him at the moment until he stops with the 1) squirt, 2) Rattie-chan, 3) That guy, I pretty much like him. He's a smart guy; he knows what makes people angry. But, with his "gift", what he didn't learn was to listen. He's a thick headed brother that doesn't change his opinions.

Draconii-chan {Dracos}: I don't talk to him a lot. But I try. Or at least did. He's REALLY smart and bright and everything else. He doesn't show his "soft" side a lot. Draconii-chan likes to tease, and sometimes it's annoying. But when the teases come and go, it doesn't matter much.

E-S-nii-chan {Yuthirin, DarthTurtle}: Easy to talk to. Not as naïve as Nee-chan, isn't so close to her, but his naïve-ness shows from time to time. He understands easily. And if he doesn't, he's not afraid to ask.

Se-nii-chan {Serafita}: I swear, this guy caused me more than one depression. >< He doesn't do ANYTHING to help himself to feel better. If not physically, then mentally. He's cynical. And pessimistic about himself. He'll do a lot of things if he can to help others.

Ginn {Chibi-Ginn}: One of the most understanding people I've talked to. He understands feelings, and he uses them. He's a lot of fun. He's quiet. But when he wants, he talks. :)

Okay, the end. Those are some of the most important people to me on #soulriders. They're the people I thought about a lot, trying to know who they are. I'm sure I'll change my opinion in the future. But at the moment, who cares?

|Meduza|

The last post didn't say anything about how I look, actually. But about how I think I look. If you grew up as a thin person, you'll think about yourself as thin. And if as a fat person, you'll think about yourself as fat.

No matter how you look. Or if you're fat or thin.

No, I can't sprint. Yes, I can walk. Yes, I can run short distances {hard, though. I twist my ankle all the time. @___@}. And I don't plan on going to the gym just for losing weight. If I do that, it's going to be an obsession. And to tell you the truth, I don't like to be obsessed with something.

Another thing-
I won't be here for two-three days, my house is going to be repainted. Everyone, I love you, have a good life, sleep well, bonna and such. @___@

/me is outta here!

/me glomps Rattie-chan! =D

|Meduza|

Either you're fat or thin.

I consider myself as a fat person. My Hebrew grammar teacher considers herself as a thin person.

You know what's the difference?
A person who thinks that he's fat, would stand in front of the fridge and look at what there is to eat. He looks for something tasty, and when he finds it, and if it has a lot of calories, then he'd have a dialogue with himself.

A person that thinks that he's thin would stand in front of the fridge and take whatever he likes.

Now what's the problem?
A person who considers himself fat could have bulimia. Or anorexia. He could be actually starving to death.
A person who considers himself thin can die from too much fat in his blood system. Or something.

I have a fat mother. She always thought about herself as fat.
Then I have my father, that if he eats too much he gains weight after twenty six years that he barely wasn't underweight. He eats whatever he wants.

If I won't be careful I'll gain weight. Problem is, I'll always consider myself as fat. It doesn't matter if I'm standing on the avarage, or a bit below, or a bit higer. I just don't feel comfortable with my weight. And body.
But, that's a different story. ^^;

|Meduza|

Okay. I'm angry.

Two options-
1- to ignore it and to swallow it until I'm happy again.
2- to ruin something. ><

I told Onii-chan something. And apologized. Grr... ;_;

|Meduza|

All! Go here!!!

|Meduza|

Okay. I knew this day'd come. =D

=D
=D
=D

I adopted a dad. *nods* Iddy's my dad now. *nods again*

Now.......................................*looks at her older nii-chans and laughs. And laughs. And laughs*

It sucks to be you! =D

Oh, by the go. o.o Anyone knows where Rattie-chan is? ~_~

|Meduza|

You didn't get. Oh, well. Time to talk to myself again.

|Meduza|

Who are you?

Who am I?

|Meduza|

Well, maybe Koneko wasn't the name for me. Maybe it's too sweet. Maybe that name doesn't fit me. I think I'll keep Carthcat. It doesn't seem to do any harm, and it sounds nice. Maybe being a C-Cat is more me than the Koneko me.

Maybe.

|Meduza|

Okay, now. That's stupid. o.o;;;

"[18:29] Dunefar-CandC: Why are you Carthrat instead of Carthcat?
[18:29] Carthrat: o--------------------------------------------------o
[18:29] * Carthrat is now known as Carthcat"

"[18:30] Olorin: Oops? :)
[18:30] * Carthcat nods. "Oops.""

Yes, laugh. And laugh. And laugh. ><;;;;

*is used to write Carthrat, from some reason. o.o*

|Meduza|

Frustrated,
Screaming,
Staring at the blank, blue skies.
Standing,
Spinning,
Why do I want to cry?
Frustrated from screams that weren't heard,
Or even mouthed,
Looking at the same spot.
Spinning around, like there's no tomorrow,
But still, standing on the same floor.
Now again-
Why did I cry?

Monday, 6.1.03.

I have just witnessed something really really weird and I wasn't part of it.

Woohoo!

BTW, I hate Mary-Cate and Ashley. Or however you spell their names. :O

|Meduza|

I've been blogging a lot lately... or so it seems.

Yesterday I read a story. "The Calf". A Jewish story, before Hebrew was even spoken. So people learned the rules from the bible and folloed them {and it shows}. It's about a Jewish boy that questions things. But everybody mocks him. There was one line that's true- "Why would the calf, that beautiful and healthy calf will have life when his future is to be slayen and eaten?" = Why does God gives life... just to take them?

Today I heard my brother asking Mom- "What's more important to you? My life or yours?". Exactly a day after that story. And with what that's happening.. it's scary. I'm afraid to be here, but still, I don't want to leave. I don't want people to die, espacially not people that I know.

If the way to the Messiah is the war of Gog and Magog, I don't want that war. I don't care if he rides a white donkey or a white car. I don't care if he's "the son of Joseph" or "the son of David". I don't care that the dead will be awaken. I don't want to see my capital city, Jerusalem, full with blood up to one's knees.

I don't care about stupid signs. The life is precious. It's something you can't give back. When it's gone, it's gone.

Everything that exists has a meaning. Every person lives up to his name.

I wonder:
Can you die without fulfilling your task in life?

And if you die in the end, why do we even bother to live?

|Meduza|

Y'know, I have a friend. Same age. She told me yesterday that she feels depressed. Like the whole world is against her.

And she asked me when it goes.

I couldn't answer her, not really. Why would I lie to her? Say that it goes away after a month or so? When I didn't get rid of mine?

I couldn't help her, and I feel bad about that. <.< ._.

|Meduza|

I'm not a prude.

And if you know me, you know that I'm not a prude.

|Meduza|

Since the comments don't work again, here are my answers:

"Dune- Yes, I am. =D

B-nii-chan- Is there still place to fill? o_O The world's quite full already. :O

|Meduza|"

|Meduza|

Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
This poem sucks,
And I know it too.

^^

|Meduza|