"Every man has a name

Every man has a name
That gave him God
And that gave him his father and his mother
Every man has a name
That gave him his size and the way of his smile
And that gave him the cloth
Every man has a name
That gave him the mountains
And that gave him its walls
Every man has a name
That gave him given the fortunes
And that gave him his neighbors
Every man has a name
That gave him his sins
And that gave him his longings
Every man has a name
That gave him his haters
And that gave him his love
Every man has a name
That gave him his holidays
And that gave him his work
Every man has a name
That gave him the times of the year
And that gave him his blindness
Every man has a name
That gave him the sea
And that gave him
His death"

That's a translation for something that's widely known around here. I have no idea who wrote it. Zelda something, I think. Don't ask me.
This thing always gives me the creeps.

|Meduza|

Exactly sixty years ago, ghetto Warsaw opened in a rebellion against the Nazis. It has lastet about four weeks. The leaders were killed, and the ghetto was ruined. Not a lot of people - if at all - survived.

That's the date of the Holocaust Day here. The beginning of the rebellion.

It doesn't matter that they all died . . . it's the fact that they chose how to die, and when.

Sixty years ago.
It's amazing how time passes. How much we forget. How much we remember.
How much we're ignoring from.

To tell you the truth?
I can't hate the Nazis. I'm not even sure that I'm angry with them . . . I'm astonished. For more than three years they killed people who weren't what they defined as people. Including Jews, gypsies, homosexuals . . .

I can't forget the picture. I kept wondering how they caught all those horrible pictures, and who. One of the most famous pictures is of a boy . . . about seven, nine at most. Raising his hands. A man is standing behind him, and is holding a rifle at him.

It's the day when we let our inner demons out. Especially the families of the survivors. And the survivors themselves. But they're dying. They're old.

Y'know, Yad VaShem record the survivors testimonies. They have more than 60 years of video cassettes. My grandfather recorded his. I still haven't watched it. I'm afraid . . . My grandmother would've recorded her testimony if she could. She's kinda dead, so she can't. But I remember her sitting in my grandparents' living room and she was filling some pages with her relatives' names . . . dates and whatever. I remember her number. She was in Auschwitz . . . I think she worked at the place where you folded the deads' clothes before they entered the gas chambers.

My grandfather doesn't have a blue tattoo on his arm. I have no idea where he was. He was 'electrician', though. Holding the lamp when the Nazis blew up things. He was the first to enter, last to leave.

They both survived.

Do you know how it is to be called 'revenge'? I don't think so. It's quite offending, to tell you the truth.

I have been called 'revenge'. My grandparents' revenge. Their family is the proof that they've won against Hitler. Not the Nazis . . . Hitler.

One of the things I remember my grandmother telling me is "I'm telling you all of this so you won't forget. Don't forget."
I won't.

I've been asked today how I'd prevent this to happen again. I said some stupid things while thinking, trying to buy some time. And you know what?
We can't prevent this from happening again. Just to remember, and to pass on the memories . . . the pictures, the stories, the journals.

I don't need this day to remind me of the Holocaust. I don't need to stand when the sirens go off twice to remember that. I don't need to watch TV to remember that.

All I have to do is to look at the boy in my memory. That yellow patch on his coat. Raising his hands. Remembering the pictures of the bodies. Remembering the journal entries children then wrote . . . the songs, the drawings . . .

Don't forget. Take a minute to remember them. To pass it on. Not to let another kid to be having a rifle held at his back. Not to have those horrible experiments in human beings. Not to let people to get to the level when they eat their deads. Not to let graves to be dug only to be filled with their diggers.

Because all of it happened. And it will happen again. Unless we prevent it.
But you can't prevent a thing that you don't know what it is.

But I do know what it is. And what happened.
That's why I won't let people forget.
I won't let myself to forget.

That's all we have, y'know. Memories.
Don't try to remember . . .
But most certainly,
Don't forget.

|Meduza|

Just for the record, I am NOT growing up. *nods*

Hm.
This was a hell of a Passover. o_O I don't think I'll ever forget it. o.o I haven't been so confused in my life. ^^;;

Enjoying last minutes of freedom with instant noodles and a fic. ^_^

Wai!

|Meduza|

Uhm.

Olorin had his birthday yesterday, RS is having his tomorrow . . .

:D

They're all growing up so fast! ;_;! :)

|Meduza|

BTW, I lost my Op in #shingetsu.

Sad, sad life.

|Meduza|

I'm back.
Wrote three poems {originally one} that their style is a bit different than my usual one. Hm. Cliche and Metaphor.

I LOVE that combination. ^_^;;;

I slept. And read. And ate. o_O That's about all I did. Passage by Cony Willis is GOOD. Kinda confusing, though. But hell, when a character DIES, can't she kill it properly? ~_~

Artemis Fowl. Think about an action movie in a book.

Some kind of fanfic.
Kinda good.

Something really weird about what real men are my dad gave ne. o.O;;;

I totally lost my waking hour habit, though. I used to wake up about at nine o'clock {in the morning. -_-}, and now I woke up at twelve. ^^; In a good day. ^_^;;;;;

Yoav and Ithamar kept fighting.
I fought with Yoav! I kinda won!
I scratched Yoav when he tried to crash my hand!

Dad literally BEGGED me to say that I needed new telephone in my room. -_- Actually, a phone when the battery actually kills the machine isn't okay, so I played along.

So I guess I'm the proud owner of 1) telephone, 1) mp3 player discman! W00t! O_O 2) music CDs. ^______________^

Hm.
What else?
Lemme think.

I wanna sleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep . . .

|Meduza|

/me is dragged to a vecation she doesn't want to go on!

Bye!

|Meduza|

Had fun in the 'picnic' today.

But came back only to find depession, and inferiority complex. >_<
I feel like there's nothing good in me. ;_;
That everyone and everything are better than me in everything.
I don't find anything good in myself right now, either. >_<
And I don't seem to find anything bad in a lot of other people, either . . .

I doubt myself again.
>_<

I don't like myself. ;_;

----------------------------

It's all a question of balancing . . . so it won't fall, to either side.
Just keeping in the middle . . .
Not being obsessed, and not hate . . .

How do you balance thing?

To let go, you have to have a hold.
To get a hold, you have to let go . . .

What am I supposed to do first?

|Meduza|

Picnic!
Going on a picnic!
Hurray!
Fun!
Fun!
Fun!

XD
XD
XD

|Meduza|

Purring Kitty.

Have fun, girls. o_O

|Meduza|

As you might have noticed, I quit using C-Cat on IRC.

It has no point anymore, and Koneko seems a bit . . . strange.
So I'm going back to Naatz.

|Meduza|

I'm home.
Had a lot of fun.
Went away from some stress.

I thought. And dscovered I was set with my mind through it all.

I discovered that my own home stresses me.
I SHOOK when we were on the way to the building. And it wasn't cold. I also could barely talk. Dad also drove like usually next to Frida's home . . . which didn't cheer me up. Did you know what the policewoman told me two years ago? That I had to listen to her. My parents asked her to watch over us.

Sure, lady. She threatened to beat me. To drag me home by my hairs.
And, the worst, to tell everything about me.

Thank someone, I was in Galit's house . . .

But . . . I was scared.
She scared me, that bitch.

Anyhow, back to the present. Woke up today at six again. Went to sleep at eleven. About seven houors. Napped another hour and half . . . so it's okay, I think.

Was attached to something I printed instead of Khashi. Which is good. ^^ You can fold something you print. But a metre and a half of snake made of cloth is hard to carry around. ^^;;;;;;;

Hmmmmm. I think I'll go to sleep. ^^

Oh, BTW. Music is like fanfics. As long as the language isn't used by much, there isn't a lot of crap. ^^

|Meduza|

Y'know,

It's hard for me to believe people actually -like- me.

In this whole world, I believe that only three people {and three quarters} really like me. Doesn't matter really HOW. Just . . .

My parents are two. We barely say anything, but I know they love me, and they know I love them. Simple as that.

Third is my cousin. We touch a lot {not like that, pervs. ._.}, talk, and generally together when we can.

The three quarters?

Rat. He's a half.
And Nee-chan. She's a quarter. ^^;

These people basically can't make me angry. Disappointed? Yep. Angry? Never. Well, not never. But rarely. Really, really rarely. I can deal with their angers. Even if it's directed at me.

I really trust them. I know they won't try to hurt me; not intentionally.

You know, it's really funny. I'm offended more by strangers . . . not people I love. It's supposed to be the other way around, isn't it?

Those five people- I really like them. Differently, but somewhat, the same. Still, different. It's hard to explain- really. I'd do everything I could for them. Well, not really for my parents. <_<;;;; But you get the point.

It's so easy for me to LIKE people. But to hate them?
Naaaaaaaaaaah.

I guess I'm also an easy target.
I never talk back to those who I think that are my superiors. It's a problem, really. I just accept. But to people I think that are in my level, I talk back. Inferiors? I feel sorry for them. Simple, isn't it?

Not really, actually.
But I AM an easy target. I'm the girl who let others to pick on her. I'm the one who . . .

No wonder I'm on the border-line of hating myself. My personality, my looks . . .
I always hated them.

And now people start to find good things in me, and I simply don't have the tools to face compliments. To accept. I also don't give compliments easily. And if I do, they're never a lie. But they're rare. I might tell people I love them- but they're kept in dark as to WHAT I like in them.
Or maybe don't accept the fact that I like them with their faults. ^^;;;;

My body is the touchiest part in me. I'm used to my clothes- baggy. Not necessarilly long, but baggy.
Every comment somewhat ruins me. Every compliment . . . I can't accept it. Takes me a lot to accepts the fact that people LIKE the way I look. Or the way I behave.

I'm pretty much sure of my brains. That, and singing and writing. Only things I'm really sure that are good.

Everything else is pretty much hated. Or disliked. Or just accepted.

But if the compliments come from these people . . . I shine.
And if it's comments? I keep them in mind, and move on.

These people have so much power on me, it's just amazing to see . . .

|Meduza|

Yiiiiiiiiiiiii.

Blogging from here. >_< I really got depended on the Instant Messaging programs, you know.

Anyhow.
We talked.
And talked.
Each one venting over something. o_O;;

Anyhow. We didn't talk for quite a bit.

So we taaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalked. So much fun! XD

The nights are the hardests. So I don't want to be alone. So I came here. ^^

Hm. Her brother got into emergency room. His parents thought he needed stitches. ^^;;;; BS, really. ^^; But he DID get a nastry cut on his forehead, so I guess it was good to check it.

Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm.
Grr.
I don't feel so well . . . ;_;

BTW, no AIM or IRC. Blarg. I might talk to her into letting me use MSN . . . @_@

|Meduza|

Going to my cousin's- I still have to pack.

I may not be online for a couple of days.

I need to think.
I need to talk to her.

Going to my grandfather's after that. From there I might come online. Holiday. Passover.

Sitting through the Seder . . .

I hope I'll sleep. Eating seems no problem anymore. :\

------------------------

I guess I'm quieter. More subdued?
Probably.

Something did change. For the better.
I'm just . . .
Dunno.
Talk to you all later.

|Meduza|

Fourteen hours' difference.

In Ohio.

Waking up in five and fifteen minutes in the morning . . .

Nathan's gone crazy.

Waking up this early when he can actually sleep one more hour . . . is reidiculous.

But it's so fun to tease him about it. XD XD XD

----------------------

Wai! I'm hungry!

|Meduza|

Going to my cousin this evening. Sleeping at her house. We'll do something. *shrugs* We haven't done something together in a while . . .

Then I'm going to my grandfather's to celebrate the holiday.

My break startes tomorrrow . . . or today, around five.

I wonder.

When I'm away, will I sleep the whole night again?

Won't be sick just to hear the word 'food'?

-----------------------------

I know he's confused just as me . . . more, even.

I hate to see him like that.

Just hate it.

|Meduza|

What is it that causes someone like someone else?

Or dislike him?

If I met someone I don't know, I wouldn't feel connected to him.

But if I knew him, he'd mean something to me. I don't say I'd like him . . . or hate him. I'd just simply recognize him.

Why is it, that you like someone, and he likes someone else you dislike?
Why does that happen?

And why is it differently? That someone you like dislikes someone else you like . . . You'd think they are somewhat similar, right? People look for friends . . . and if you look at them closely, your taste in friends makes you to make friends that are somewhat similar to each other.

And if they're similar to each other, then why can't they get along?

People don't know other people perfectly. They see different faces of the same person. Some people look for the good traits . . . some for the bad. We look for something that we knew from home and developed it to out reality and needs.

There are theories and beliefs as to why you like someone. Chemical? Psychological? Similarity? The fact is, that if something was truly found, it'd been published as soon as possible. People don't like to be alone, right? Humans are friendly creatures. We live in groups. We stick together.

Do we?

Sure we do. It's just . . . that we don't like to be alone. To know that you have no one to talk to. You need to know that the opportunity exists if you want to live some sort of sane life.

But why do certain people like other people? Because of their charming personality? Shining beauty? Property? Is that why we also dislike someone? Because of all of those?

When two people or more can't trust each other . . . they can't have any kind of good relationship. Or healthy. And I don't necessarily talk about love. Does trusting someone mean you like that person? And distrusting means you don't? But I still don't feel anything towards that stranger . . . Maybe because I haven't tested on him yet all of the above?

And what’s if it’s not all of the above. You can still like someone who harms you . . . does it mean you were used as little to be abused? Or harmed? Do you view a loving relationship as being insulted / beaten?

And why are people so complicated? You might know what makes them work . . . but not why they work like that. I don’t like controlling people more than the necessary. I do want to help people to learn how not to be controlled. Not by me, anyhow. It’s burning some bridges, but really. Controlling someone is boring. You know exactly when to press, and on what.

Why can’t I make myself work at the same way? Just push a certain button and say “that’s it! Stop liking / disliking that person!”? Is it because I need some pushes from the outside?

You know, you can’t make someone do something he’d never thought to do even once. Things he never interested on how to do them.
Unless, of course, he doesn’t understand what he’s doing and why.

But asking a grownup to jump off the roof, when he never thought about it, isn’t really possible. It is if you bring up his troubles in life . . . but not if you bring outright the “jump off the roof!”.

-------------------------------------------------------------

Why do I like him, dammit?
When did I start liking him?

He asks the same questions. And I don’t have the answers. What can I tell him? “I like you because of this / that”?

So I said “why not?”.

We literally have nothing we share . . . Just random likes and random dislikes. But except for that? Nothing.

It’s like searching in me. It’s hard. I can’t turn the truth to less truthful. I admitted it in front of myself a long time ago.

I was so scared then. I still am.

Now . . . when I was finally getting used to that, it all changes again.
And I’m confused.
Or maybe I’m not so confused anymore?
Trying to hide something I know I couldn’t hide?

Did the word change with those words?
Or is it just me and my way of viewing the world?

Is what I’m feeling really true, or am I imagining it?
Will it go away as I lose interest in him?
Will I lose interest in him?
Is it something that’s just ephemeral?

Why don’t I trust my feelings? Why do I try to change it into pure rationalism?
It’s really the time for me to grow up . . .
For to what?
For a cynical intellectual?
Just cynical?
Just intellectual?
Or romantic that believes in real love?

I don’t know what to think anymore.
Maybe because I’m done with the thinking a long time ago.

So why I am still confused? And I am still thinking the urge to go away, to run away, and simply think?

Was I really ready to confess? I guess I was. Then why am I still nervous that it comes to that I don’t sleep well at nights for a couple of days and can’t really eat?

It’s why.
And why.
And another one.
And so on and so on.

I’m tired. And weary. I need a break.

|Meduza|

I'm feeling slightly sick. >_<

No eating for me like that, nope.

|Meduza|

Finally had the guts to touch the template again . . .

Well, no, not really. Just returning it to its old state.

|Meduza|

Annoyed, sad and confused, maybe?

Or just annoying, sadding and confusing? ~_~

|Meduza|

Well.

Now what?

|Meduza|

I'm sorry, Rat. <.<

Really really sorry. >.>

I didn't mean to confuse you. @_@

|Meduza|

Birdie, birdie birdie birdie . . .

CARE TO SHUT UP?!

|Meduza|

Such a drama, sheesh. -_-

|Meduza|

I wonder what I'm really crying over.

|Meduza|

I have no idea HOW I feel.

Not happy . . . not sad . . .

Accepting? Some sort of satisfaction.

I still don't like the fact that other people got involved in it actively . . .

I just . . . don't know.

I told him everything. *shrugs* I'm not angry or disappointed. I won't disappear. I'm still here. I knew it'd be like that. I planned on telling him anyhow. Not today, most certainly. A day or two. I felt it was already the time.

I'm not sorry about it, absolutely not. Something Plushie told me a long time ago . . . "Confusing stuff just need time for you to sort out". I sorted it out. I took the chance. And I'm not sorry. If I was . . . then I'd be disappointed of my self.

We'll still talk, but without the need to hide, or hint, or doing anything. I guess it'll be a lot more comfortable now for me and him.

I just didn't think it'd be this soon . . .

|Meduza|

Well . . .

No more hiding, I guess. ^^ It feels good. Although its end is quite sad, it's also a free-er end. ^^

I'll get to that source of your soon enough, Onii-chan . . . -_-

|Meduza|

It's sure as hell not just normal colds anymore . . . And they're usually coming in the spring. And autumn.

Time to check my allergies.
Time to do all three vaccinations I need to do.
Time to have a blood test.
Time to see a dentist.
Time to see an optometrist.
Time to see some doctor to take a look at my feet.
Time to probably check on my back, too.

I need a whole day just for all of these things.

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

|Meduza|

You know, every so often I smirk at Dracos' "Kind Fearless Leader".

Simply because it can't exist. Kind and Fearless . . . with the addition of Leader.

If you're kind, you're afraid. If you aren't kind, you have nothing to lose, nothing you afraid to lose. And as for the leader? Leaders are afraid to lose what they have . . . but they aren't kind, at least in the literal sense of the word.

So Dracos, why DID you choose the combination of all three words? You may be a leader . . . but you're not the other two. Not really.

|Meduza|

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Heh.
Heh.
Heh.

*giggles*

Another irony. ^^ It seems it's hereditary. Don't get associated to Nee-chan, no matter what! @_@

*starts to develop some theories about her*

|Meduza|

http://www.google.com.au/search?q=happy+koneko&btnG=Google+Search&hl=en&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8

Who the hell DID this search? @_@

com.au, google.com.au . . . WHO?!

|Meduza|

Today on noon I went out to the balcony, dragged something to lie on, and just napped. For forty five minutes. Pure heaven. @_@ I've been saying for days that I'd go out and just lie there . . . did, finally. =D I also tanned a bit. ^^

My vecation is getting closer and closer by. But I'm feeling BURNT. I'm annoyed, which means I'm annoying others. I study at a slower pace . . . All I want to do is to sleep, but I still wake up. I want to wake up once without the alarm clock.

Oh well, riches' problems . . .

BTW . . . "happy koneko", Rat? ~_^

|Meduza|

Hmm. . .

What should I organise this year for Passover?

My pens, all kinds of inked things, pencils. Done.

Sorting clothes. I'll do it on Friday, I think . . . Or Saturday.

I want to get into the holiday spirit!
If I want to do it a bit, I have to clean! *nods*

|Meduza|

The Rat Training Program is working. XD

Explenation: Rat's my Lackey. Lackey's should be trained. *nods*

|Meduza|

Things FINALLY start to work properly for me.

Except for some random depressions, that are quite normal at this age, I'm happy. ^^ I don't hide anything anymore. Not really. ^^ Although some Cluelesses in this world may be not understanding really thick clues. *shrugs*

Part of the charm of being clueless. I guess I'm one myself. ^^

|Meduza|

Cut about 6-5 centimetres, that's about a bit less than three inches.

Hm. . .

Maybe I cut too much?

|Meudza|

Some things never change . . .

Some things always come true.

Next time I feel like something it going to happen, I better notice it before it really happens.

|Meduza|

Something I came across:

These questions about Australia were posted on an Australian Tourism Website and obviously the answers came from a fellow Aussie. Amusing, especially the Vienna Boys' Choir one.


1. Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.


2. Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking


3. Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...


4. Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Australia? (Sweden)

A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.


5. Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact for a stuffed porpoise. (Italy)

A: Let's not touch this one.


6. Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?


7. Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Australia? (USA)

A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Aus-tra-lia is that big island in the middle of the pacific which does not... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is every Tuesday night in Kings Cross. Come naked.


8. Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.


9. Q: Can I bring cutlery into Australia? (UK)

A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.


10. Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)

A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna BoysChoir plays every Tuesday night in Kings Cross, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.


11. Q: Do you have perfume in Australia? (France)

A: No, WE don't stink.


12. Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.


13. Q: Can I wear high heels in Australia? (UK)

A: You are a British politician, right?


14. Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.


15. Q: Do you celebrate Christmas in Australia? (France)

A: Only at Christmas.


16. Q: Are there killer bees in Australia? (Germany)

A: Not yet, but for you, we'll import them.


17. Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.


18. Q: Please send a list of all doctors in Australia who can dispense rattlesnake serum. (USA)

A: Rattlesnakes live in A-meri-ca which is where YOU come from. All Australian snakes are perfectly harmless, can be safely handled and make good pets.


19. Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.


21. Q: I was in Australia in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated while I was staying in Kings Cross. Can you help? (USA)

A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.


22. Q: Will I be able to speek English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.


{BTW, my mom has her birthday today. Happy 45th birthday, mom!}

|Meduza|

Memories . . . we all have them, if we want them or not. Sometimes I just want to forget.

But I can't.

Grandparents:
One time, about a year or two before my grandmother died, I was visiting her and my grandfather. At one o'clock {was late for me then} I remember I stepped out from my grandfather's office after reading a book, and joined to them to see a movie. Alien movie. I think I had nightmares that night.

We all thought it was just a cold, with a lot of bad luck- broken arm. She was cleaning the kitchen, but somehow broke her arm. We visited them at the beginning of the summer, and they had chocolate. ^^; After a couple of hours there, we left. Only to get back about one month afterwards, when she was already in bed. I –hated- seeing her like that, all white, and little, and weak . . . She wanted chicken. So we brought her chicken. About two weeks later she died of cancer.

When my grandparents visited us, they used to sleep here. I was still in one room with Yoav. The room that's now mine used to be 'hers'. She used to sleep in here, and grandfather used to sleep in my parents' workroom- there was a couch there. My grandfather also used to sleep until noon . . . so sometimes we sneaked into the room he slept in and tickled his feet. ^^

I hated the room my parents chose for me. I hated the furniture, I hated the colour, and I hated what they'd let me pick . . . So I called to my grandmother half crying, and I just started telling how much I hated everything, and she calmed me down. One line I remember was "white is the colour of hospitals, you don't want to live in white, don't you?". And I didn't.

I remember that once I was angry at my parents, so I scribbled down on the wall with a pencil how much I hated them. When my grandmother found out, she made me wash it off.

She promised me once that when I'll go to uni she'll take out some kind of table and give me to me. :\ Seems pretty stupid . . . but it meant, and still means a lot for me.

~to be continued~

|Meduza|

They want me to do it this summer. I don't remember if in June or July, but they want me to do it this summer.

Instead in the winter, when I'll take at least two other Bagruts, in maths and history, and probably literature or Bible.

So if I get the special agrrement that I'll have the exam before I'm sixteen . . . it'll just make my life a lot more easily. Won't it?

But I'm going to do it externic, not going to any high school and doing it through one. I know there's a close . . . with no words to choose from. And it's hard. And something to read. And grammar and understanding questions. And then I'll have to write a short essay . . . from a subject they give. Then there's the spoken English. My wekest point.

My pronouncing is horrible. I think my understanding is even worse. Can't really decide.

And I've had all the practice I could in speaking with my teacher.
And it's not enough. I don't talk enough. I need to LIVE a language if I want to know it properly. I write, sure. And read. But where's the talking?
Gone.

So I talked Nee-chan into helping me when she can. Hm. Still, this'll be rare.

And Herbi, no offence, but it WAS kinda freaky. -_-;;; I don't know you, you don't know me, and feeling uncomfortable with someone you don't know is exactly like that: Uncomfortable {can't say that word. @_@ Keeps mixing up! @_@}.

So if someone that I talk to usually feels brave enough to help me poor speaking, I'd be happy. @_@ I just GOT to get the language up to something that's close to a native English speaker. But I guess I'll always be a foreigner, and so I'll have harder time with distincting the words from other random voices.

Of course, my grammar is much worser when I talk.
Hm. . . .

HELP!

{BTW, I played with a toothpick today. Hurts. @_@}

|Meduza|

Come on, kill the girl who doesn't know maths! @_@

"[02/04-17:21:43] <ÌC-Rat> 2x3=5 is ludicrous. ^^;"

My calculating is horrible, technique is okay. OKAY?! >_<

|Meduza|

I promised myself never to change my personality again. Not for anyone.

If you don't like the way I'm thinking in, then screw you.

|Meduza|

This blog will be closed for the rest of eternity from now on.

Thanks for reading, Netta.

. . .

. . .

. . .

. . .

April Fools. ^_^ Actually, in the forums' site I manage a forum on, some of the forum managers decided to write a message: "Tapuz is sorry to anounce that because of budget problems this, and other forums will be closed."

It gave the forums participants some minor heart attacks. I didn't go to the managers' forum for quite some time . . . and I'm sorry about it. It's such a good joke. There are in Tapuz.co.il over 700 communities. Some are REALLY important. But once in a year . . . it's good to laugh. :)

Happy April's first. ^_^

|Meduza|

Stomach hurts, stomach hurts, stomach hurts, and I think I know why. >_<

|Meduza|